Oh My God

This movie review is made possible by omy.sg.

Immortals is a blockbuster wanna-be movie that revolves around Theseus, a Young Warrior who picked up The Weapon so he can Kill The Bad Guy who had killed his mother. The Gods and Goddess of Olympus are young nubile hot-headed immortals who watch helplessly from their pedestals way up high and wring their hands as their “beloved people” get slaughtered by this very angry warlord who was angry mainly because the Gods ignored his pleas for his very sick family a long time ago.

The Gods and Goddess (only Athena bothered to make an appearance), you see, were forbidden by Zeus, the Father of all Gods & Goddesses to intervene in mortal affairs as GODS lest they risk his wrath and DEATH as punishment.

And that about sums up the entire movie. =x

Funnily, Zeus left a loophole for himself by saying “intervening as GODS” but the other pretty but apparently empty-headed Gods & Goddess (I refuse to call her Athena coz she is in no way a strong and formidable Goddess who actually stood up to her own Father in Greek myths) didn’t see the loophole and happily appeared in the Godly forms to help Theseus and his complimentary buddy.

No prizes for guessing what happens next. =.=

The movie boasts of numerous special effects and manly men who bang their shields in manly valour but none of those can save this terrible movie from its slow death. If you know your Greek myths, you will agar agar know that Theseus was the hero who felled Minotaur and Titans are…well…TITIANS (BIG BAD GIANTS who are the age -old enemies of Zeus and his cohort). But no, these legendary figures and stories were twisted into unrecognizable chunks in this movie. All it can ever boast of are pretty faces who do the Gods they portray NO JUSTICE AT ALL.

Yes, OMG indeed.

Conan the RENEWED Barbarian

This movie review is made possible by omy.sg.

CONAN THE BARBARIAN

If you were born in the 80s, this name would be synonymous with Arnold Schwarzenegger  & his amazing abs.

 

Now in the 21st century, this name is refreshed with a new remake starring Jason Momoa,  Rachel Nichols, Rose McGowan, Stephen Lang, Ron Perlman, and Bob Sapp.

I’ve never really caught the originals but I do recall them being cheesy. =x This darker interpretation of  Robert E. Howard’s series of stories on the titular character is unapologetically violent with fierce thumps of music. I wouldn’t exactly call this an epic movie coz it mostly consists of fighting, fighting and more fighting… =x and what peaceful moments it had (aka the sex scene) was CENSORED. Haii…

Well, in short, this movie is all about Conan seeking revenge on his father’s murderer and frolicking with a few ladies on the side as entertainment. However, there is one thing I like about this movie and that is: the female lead kicks ass! Ok, she doesn’t do it as professionally as Conan BUT! She can still hold her own in a one-on-one fight! Definitely more than what I can say about female love interests in most cases. =x

All in all…an ok movie. Spectacular fighting scenes and all but…I wished they had done a little more character development. Oh and Rose McGowan seemed a little strained playing the witch daughter of the main villain. I suppose the character was supposed to be all slippery and snakey but somehow she comes across as unnatural. =x

Sex & Bland

This movie review is made possible by omy.sg.

So I was invited to a movie preview of Sex & Zen: Extreme Ecstasy (3D). No, it wasn’t at the Yangtze, which is well-known for its sleazy movie screenings. And yes, I was disappointed. Not because I didn’t get to go to Yangtze. =x But because the movie, which is loosely adapted on its comedic predecessors, has been censored to the point where the plot is reduced into a meaningless love story. 18 minutes worth of sex, torture and rape were cut out but they left images of a huge penis intact. =x

The story is supposed to be about this scholar who wants to improve his sex life because his manhood is un-endearingly small. So he goes for a penis transplant, gets a huge one and proceeds to perform a mass orgy with his patron’s harem. But you won’t see this in the movie because it has been cut out. =x

I don’t mind a little constructive censoring but when important scenes are switched around or cut out for the sake of preserving our *ahem* morality, then the movie might as well be shown exclusively at Yangtze so hentai jijis can enjoy it in its entirety. =x

Oh but Yangtze doesn’t have a 3D screen, right. Time for an upgrade then. =x Hurhur.

It does have a touching ending where the main characters, now an elderly couple, explains to a newly-wed couple why sex isn’t important in a marriage but by this time, you don’t give a damn because…

all the sex has been cut out.

Hurhur.

Easy as A, b, c

[This movie review is made possible by omy.sg.]

If there’s one thing that this movie proves, it’s that bad news and stories travel faster than the speed of light. You know what the Chinese say, “好事不出门,坏事传千里”. In short, it means that people don’t give a damn about your good stuff, just the nice juicy bad things that they can spread and gossip about. Oh, and when you take the shit for others, don’t expect them to reciprocate aka 好心没好报. Humans are selfish. Period.

Yes, Easy A is a story of how people hear only what they wanna hear and see only what they wanna see. Plenty of high and mighty people passing judgment when they shouldn’t be the ones to throw stones to begin with.

Emma Stone (as Olive Penderghast) is the girl whose reputation goes haywire after a fake story about her bedding an imaginary guy over the weekend spreads like wildfire. Her story sort of parallels The Scarlet Letter novel where the heroine had to suffer the indignity of having the letter ‘A‘ sewn onto her clothes. Check out the 1926 version starring Lilian Gish:

Like woah, right? Silent movie it might be but the intensity of the acting is pure wow. =3 This is the Demi Moore version that Olive likes to compare with the B&Ws and yes, it seems that she loves taking baths. LOL.

Olive was not so humble though, she decided to thumb her nose at her dissenters by sewing As of her own onto sexy corsets and purring her way down the school corridor. LOL. Emma Stone sure makes a convincing harlot.

And it’s amazing how people are willing to believe the worst things about you, especially best friends (Rhiannon, Olive’s best friend especially, refused to believe anything that wasn’t remotely scandalous). Like seriously, who needs best friends like these. =x

Anyways, the movie’s hilarious. There won’t be a lot of ahem action but the dialogue’s sharp and witty. Although frankly I find it hard to believe that Olive would be a nobody in high school. With her looks, surely there would be a suitor or two? =x And her parents? Wow. It must be such a liberating experience to have open-minded parents. 😀

Go catch Easy A for the laughs when it opens on 25 November 2010. It’s fun and who doesn’t like a gossip or two, right? XDDD

Who do you think your neighbour is?

[This movie preview is made possible by omy.sg.]

So recently, I was invited to a movie preview of Let Me In by omg.sg at the Shaw Preview Theatre (the Shaw Centre that is behind the Shaw House, Lido building).  The seats were like woah so comfortable. Hurhurhurhur.

Anyways, Let Me In is an English remake based on the 2008 Swedish film Let The Right One In and a novel of the same name by John Ajvide Lindqvist. The movies tell of a poor bullied boy who became fascinated by the new girl next door.

If you ask me, he was probably impressed by the fact that she walked across the snow on bare foot and also the fact that she solved a Rubik’s Cube within a night. Strong and smart, exactly the type of girlfriend he was looking for! =3

But on a deeper note, Let Me In explores societal issues that are so much more real than the ones certain sparkly vampires and an ultra emo girl had to deal with.

For one thing, the movies depicts your everyday person to be amazingly unobservant or self-absorbed. The unobservant who don’t check their car backseat beforehand get their throat sliced open because they take their safety for granted. The self-absorbed don’t know the whereabouts of their kids because they’re too busy being drunk on their couch. Nobody really took notice of the new girl and her mysterious guardian until the gruesome murders started. Everybody just concentrated on what they can see in front and very seldom taking stock of their lefts, rights and behinds.

For another, Owen (the boy lead) was facing the terrible ordeal of bullying yet no one, not even his mother knew about it. The main bully himself, was a victim of an elder brother who took pleasure in calling him ‘girly’. Actually if you think about it, bullies are part of a vicious cycle. They are bullied into inferiority and in order to regain a sense of control, they pick on those they perceive to be even weaker than they are. Sadly, parents and teachers don’t take action until it’s too late.

You guys should really catch Let Me In because unlike a certain sparkly movie, it’s both intelligent and morbid. It sets you wondering about your neighbours and surroundings. Are they really as normal as they appear on the outside? Are you very sure that the friendly neighbour you share the lift with every morning isn’t a closet serial killer?

I mean, of course even if they aren’t, it doesn’t hurt for us to get to know our neighbours* better. After all, neighbours are the best defence when burglars come a-knocking or even the friendliest babysitters around when you urgently need someone to look after your kid. I’ll admit that I’m a little aloof when it comes to my neighbours (aren’t we all?) but after this movie, I should probably make more effort to give a wider smile.

After all, what if they think I’m a serial killer, a cmi vampire or something. =x

PS: The movies are much tamer. If you’re looking for more scandalous action, go read the book. =x Hurhur.

OR if you wanna catch the original Swedish movie, here’s the trailer:

*This only applies to nice neighbours who don’t purposely go out of their way to place dengue-inducing plants in the corridor, steal your newspapers, pick fights with you, pour urine at your doorstep etc etc etc. You fill in the blanks yourself. =x

Join the NANOWRIMO KICK-OFF (in Singapore)!

So this year I’m gonna do my best and hit the word count target for the Nanowrimo initiative! I had joined this event some time ago but couldn’t meet the target due to my laziness. =x This year however, I’m gonna work extra hard! So by hook or by crook, I’m gonna have something out! And to start things off, Sarahcoldheart has organised a KICK-OFF party for writers in Singapore! There’s gonna be cake and lots of talks to educate the newly initiated. =3

Do come join us if you’re a writer in Singapore. RSVP by joining Nanowrimo and head straight for the Singapore forum where Sarahcoldheart has details on the event. =3 See you there!

PS: Oh and watched Enhiran, a Tamil movie that has apparently taken Bollywood by storm…

IT WAS AWESOME! IT’S LIKE OMG! Th effects were amazing, the (inevitable love) songs had catchy tunes and the male lead was omg….simply charismatic and funny. And the female lead? OMG. Beautiful. Loved her in all her dance moves and costume changes. =3 This movie is definitely better than some of the Hollywood movies I can think of.

One, two…Freddy’s coming for you~

“One, Two….Freddy’s Coming for You!”

Remember the chilling song with three innocent little girls skipping rope?

Three, Four….Better Lock Your Door!

The GLOVE that grabbed our imaginations by the tail and dragged them screaming into the darkness?

Five, Six….Grab Your Crucifix!

The red and black stripped sweater that formed the fabric of our nightmares?

Seven, Eight….Better Stay Up Late!

The movie that brought sleepless nights wayyyyy before Sadako crawled out of the tv.

Nine, Ten…..Never…Sleep Again!”

Yes, I’m talking Nightmare on Elm Street, the updated version having hit theaters just the week before. Having watched the Wes Craven version when I was much younger, I was curious to see just how scary it is despite the poor reviews it was given in the newspapers.

After having watched the movie, I can only come to one conclusion…

…Wes Craven still rox!

Sorry, new updated version of Nightmare…having nubile young things slashed by not really scary looking Freddy is not enough. You gotta play on the mind and manipulate human fear into incomprehensible levels.

Although the updated Nightmare followed most of the events in Craven’s Nightmare, it felt too contrived and unnatural. Unlike the original where it followed Tina Gray, the main character, as she watched her friends die one by one. This remake jumps from character to character as they die at Freddy’s hand, making it difficult to empathize with any one character for any amount of time. Even the injection of Freddy before he became Freddy was not as interesting as it could have been.

Sadly, this is one remake that just didn’t make the cut.