Help! I’m getting married!

All Jonathan wanted was a quiet wedding, with a few close friends to celebrate his union with Monica and a few rounds of drinks to finish off the occasion. What he was more concerned about, was the aftermath of the wedding and he was really looking forward to it.

But his good friends, Audrey and Jessie wouldn’t hear of it, even when he tried to explain why it wasn’t necessary to go through all the traditional wedding procedures that females seemed to be so fond of.

“Of course it wouldn’t do.” Audrey told him pointedly as Jessie nodded with a tinge of threat, “the wedding’s a once a lifetime thingy and we all want Monica to remember it fondly.”

Unconsciously noting that Audrey mentioned only Monica and not ‘Monica and Jonathan’, Jonathan made another unsuccessful bid to win the girls over but to no avail. They absolutely refused to listen and told him to stay out of it. Even Monica seemed strangely uncooperative when Jonathan asked her to intervene,

“I can’t do anything about it, Jon. You know how they are. Once they got their minds firmly fixed on an idea, there was no budging them.”

Jonathan strongly suspected that Monica was in this together with the girls.

And so started a flurry of pre-marriage preparations that drove him nuts and caused him to consider flight more than once. Well, not that seriously but if Jessie ordered him to try on that tuxedo one more time and take a group photo with giggling bridesmaids one more time. He would run away for sure. Sexy wife he was going to miss out or not.

After what seemed like eternity, Jonathan finally made it to the big day with a dash of sunshine and clear skies.

“Good day for a wedding,” Dennis, his best man noted critically as they climbed into the car bound for the church they were holding the ceremony in, then threw a sly glance at him, “are you considering flight yet?”

“Don’t tempt me, Dennis,” Jonathan replied through clenched teeth, wondering if he was getting married a wee bit too early. Maybe they should postpone it to a few years later…

A vision of a crazed and screeching banshee-Monica wielding a chopper popped into his mind.

“I’m doing all I can to keep myself from bolting.”

“Of course you are,” Dennis smiled in smug amusement, “but just in case you are running off, I’ll hold off the ladies for as long as I can.”

Jonathan thought about throwing Dennis at the resulting blood-thirsty bride and bridesmaids but decided against it regretfully.

“Thanks but I’ll stay,” was all he said.

They reached the church quicker than he thought and before Jonathan could say ‘but, but, I’m not ready yet!’, he was whisked to the front of the church where he was to receive the bride.

“Don’t worry, Jonathan. It’ll all be over soon,” Dennis patted him on the shoulder.

Jonathan gave the widely grinning Dennis a hard look.

“Don’t be too smug yet. I’ve seen the looks that Jessie gave you.”

“Oh you don’t have to worry ’bout me,” Dennis laughed, “I still know how to run even if you don’t.”

Jonathan was about to retort when a sudden hush at the rear caught his attention. A lovely vision of chiffon silk stood beside Monica’s father, her creamy shoulders accented by the low-cut of the stunning gown that swept past her feet to trail behind her in a puddle of glistening silk. A flimsy veil covered her face but Jonathan knew that it was his Monica standing there. All of a sudden, without knowing why, Jonathan felt very proud indeed.

The Wedding March started enthusiastically and a radiant Monica soon stood at his side. Jonathan caught a whiff of perfume from his wife-to-be and immediately went weak in the knees. His wife was so delicious.

The priest was a jolly father who beamed fatherly at everyone, “today, we are here to witness the union…” He boomed out in a voice which needed no microphone whatsoever. He went on and on until Jonathan felt like fainting. A poke in his ribs brought him to attention.

“Pay attention,” Monica muttered under her breath.

Then, “Jonathan Li, will you take Monica Chua to be your loving wedded wife, through times of sickness and hardship?”

The question hung there for a critical moment.

“I…I errr…I.” Jonathan stammered for a while and then, “I DO!!!!” He let it out in a shout.

The congregation exploded in appreciative applause and Jessie could be heard behind telling Dennis, “I was so afraid I had to go after him with a chopper if he dared to say no…”

Jonathan felt very lucky indeed.

After his ground-shaking answer, everything else was a breeze because Monica never thought about running away, not once and so gave a smooth yes while beaming proudly at Jonathan.

When they finally made it outside for the group photo, they found the car being towed away.

“Hey!!” Jonathan yelled, “that’s our car!!”

Dragging Monica like a maniac, Jonathan ran after the tow track. “Stop it right there. STOP!”

The priest who had followed the crowd outside stared at Jonathan in astonishment, “goodness,” he threw his hands up in the air, “I have never seen such a flustered couple in my holy life!”

3 thoughts on “Help! I’m getting married!

  1. Marisa says:

    Hehehe. This is a very amusing story. It certainly will be a wedding “thingy” that both of them will never forget! Especially after they pay the towing ticket…

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